Once again this year, as I have done for the past eight years, I am posting an entry written on this day back in 2005 by Christopher for his blog Everything is Not Real. Christopher stopped posting about a year later and moved on to other things.
If you read his blog occasionally you would have gained the impression that he was an non-stop party boy but regular readers knew that there was an underlying seriousness to much that he wrote. When I first read this entry I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I too had won the lottery then I called to mind those I loved and cared for who had not been so fortunate. They were my lovers, my friends and my family and I miss each one of them to this day.
I have lottery fantasies.
I dream about being able to buy fast cars and designer clothes until they come out of my ears. I want houses in London, New York, East Hampton and Rio. I want to be able to travel first class and work out at The Third Space and get reservations at Annabel’s just because of who I am. I want to be able to take hot dates on tours of the National Gallery. When it’s closed. Because I’m one of it’s biggest benefactors.
Needless to say, twice a week, I am disappointed.
This morning, on the way to work on the tube, I was reading a Times article, written by Annie Lennox, about the millions and millions of people in Africa who are suffering with HIV and AIDS, and dying, and how the governments of the richer nations, such as the one I live in, have pledged support over an eight year period. And how they absolutely must stay committed to this goal.
One of the kids she spoke to on a recent trip to Africa was dying of AIDS. But before he got sick he lost his mother, father, brothers, sisters and pretty much everyone else he cared about to the same disease. He was totally alone in the world. With no hope. And certainly no dreams of fast cars or a nice comfortable house, anywhere. And that shit isn’t even near the important stuff.
There are approximately 6,450,000,000 humans on Earth.
Most of them are not 33 year olds who have careers which afford them access to guest lists to the best clubs and bars the city has to offer. They don’t have friends who will stick with them no matter what (and slip them Jil Sander dress shirts every now and then.)They don’t have housemates who have Thai cuisine prepared and ready to eat when they arrive home. They don’t have comfortable beds to sleep in at night.
When I think about it I kinda did win the lottery.
About 33 years ago
EVERYTHING IS NOT REAL – Christopher
December 1, 2005
Today I am filled with uneasiness and fear when I see a generation growing up – gay and straight – who now seem to be throwing caution to the wind. We – that first generation that dealt with this disease – often didn’t know that we were playing a game of Russian roulette or what the stakes were. We were not informed or educated – or if we were it was ill-informed or badly educated. I recall that in those first days if you went into a room where someone was carrying the “gay disease” you had to suit up almost as if for a hazmat disaster. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to be surrounded by people who were clothed and masked against contact with you. We were to learn and over time those fears subsided, if not totally disappeared. God knows I don’t for a minute wish for a return to those days of fear and alienation but in a time where information and education, often based on mistakes of the past, are available I can only hope that people – straight and gay – have and can learn.
December 1 – 1918: The Kingdom of Iceland becomes a sovereign state, yet remains a part of the Danish kingdom.